my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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