is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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