Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
