I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
