The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
