somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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