So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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