I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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