I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
