I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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