my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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