my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
