I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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