I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
