Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
