Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
