Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
