Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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