But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
