My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
pray to the hookup gods
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
