now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
