Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
