My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
