Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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