My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
