I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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