I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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