Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
