you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
