Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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