I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
