I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
