so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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