Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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