And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
