I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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