dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
