how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just googled if crying burns calories
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
