I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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