i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
