On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
