Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
