DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
