it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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