I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
