I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
