I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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