I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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