y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
