he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
