she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
